Do the Collapse

A Haiku...

Sweater In Summer
Bike Ride In Winter, Woooo.
Special K, yummy.

I'm not as good as this guy.

I work out, I promise

I was giving my math lesson and we were trying to think of things that come in groups ie: tricycle (3's), months of the year (12), days of the week (7), etc. and the comedian of the class (not trying to be a comedian) said, "Ten pack, like when a person works out." I couldn't remember that it was actually called a 6 pack so I started to write down 10 pack, knowing it was wrong and then stopped in mid-writing. "It's called a 6 pack, not a 10 pack." There was laughter, no crap, and lots of it. I was having a great morning with these 7 and 8 year olds. I quickly corrected him (and me) and wrote 6 pack on the board.

The oppressive 'System' That We Live In

Carlyna's story reminds me of the fond memories of my mission not so long ago. In my second area I had a bad streak of parasites, about three months long. These weren't any old parasite, oh no. They were amoebas. When an amoeba gets a hold of you, they don't easily let go. They call there other friends, have an drunken party, and soon you are filled with these animals. The Human Digestive System, or 'System' as I like to call it, is called in. The system doesn't like the party and soon calls in the raid, doesn't warn the neighbors, just busts right in. Much to my chagrin, this happened on one particular day right as I was leaving the house. Luckily for Elder Ochaeta and myself, I could get back into the house in time. Two more times this happened before we could reach the end of our block. I felt good about myself, maybe it was the false hope that there was no more crap to crap. But in any case, I felt that we could make a day of work. We tried. I got around the corner and in came the System, and out went the amoebas. To answer question #3, Carlyna; yes, it smelt awful. And felt awful. I gave up. I didn't even try to clean it up. I left it for Sister Mundo to wash. Maybe you think that I am going too far with this story. Maybe I am going too far with this story. But I feel that everyone should know about the System. I learned something that day, something very important. Life changing even. I learned that if the crap comes three times, take it as a sign and stay home. The crap will come again.

blood on the motorway

One late night after a show in deep ellum, my buddy john b was driving north on 35 and saw a man walk in front of a car going 60+ miles an hour. Wouldn't you stop to see that?

Rubberneckers

As I was driving home from Dallas this evening, I was stopped in the ever-so-ill-fated traffic. What causes traffic, I often ask myself? Why are we ALL stopped? Isn't there someone who's moving? Are we that backed up from Minnesota? Then I passed it. The accident. No badly injured cars, no badly injured people. So why must we stop people?! As I always say, Nothing to see here. Move it right along......Why are humans so intrigued with other's suffering? Must we see a bloody person walk from a destroyed car to fulfill our carnal nature? And when we do, we look a first in shock and then in dismay? Why? And as drivers, shouldn't we be watching the road instead of gaucking? I never get to see accidents b/c I just happen to be the driver, watching the road. If you are at the head of an accident, please, for the sake of my insanity, keep moving.

the bad kitty syndrome

I like red heads, but I don't fancy any hair color over another. Fairy tattoos are stupid; I would never get one. I like tae kwan do, but I also enjoy tae bo. I don't like sores in the mouth. I like it when people say "hey you!" because it makes me think of "The Wall".

BAD KITTY - BAD IDEA

I would like to paint a realistic picture of Bad Kitty, but words will not do her justice. Bad Kitty is a 36 year old woman who is so crazy that I don't know how she gets up in the morning and ties her shoes. She is sick right now with sores in her mouth. She likes to tell us all about the sores in mouth. Supposedly she is dating a guy named Michael, who has a pony tail and teaches Tae Kwon do. We really aren't sure if she is for real, except when he calls she answers in an almost forced sultry, "Hey you". This causes fits of giggles from others in the room. The other day, her conversation starter of, " Last night when we were lying in bed... holding each other ..." made me so queasy, I had to cut her off before she went too far. She has gone too far before and I wanted to avoid any chance that she would do it again. She has a large fairy tatoo covering her entire stomach, which frankly is too large to be shown to anyone, especially anyone at work. If anyone would still like to meet her, just go to Nordstrom and look for a tall red head wandering around talking to herself. Hey, at least she is entertaining.

Leisure Suit Fairy

This morning I didn't do anything special. I didn't say anything that may have sounded like I was flirting; especially with a man. All I talked to him about was how I'd never been to Costco. From there on he told me that his executive membership has payed off. Every time he spends money there they give him a screaming 2% back of what he has spent for the year. After talking about the 3 locations of Costco in the DFW Metroplex, he told me there was one in Southlake. To which I replied, "Southlake huh? Isn't there a Banana Republic in Southlake?" He laughed and said, "I don't shop at malls I wouldn't know." I brought up the banana republic website and looked at some of the men's accesories. He came over to see the website as well. (It looked like the men wearing the clothes appealed more to him than the flip flops did to me.) I decided to look at the store locator. After I showed him where it was at He finally went back to his desk. I continued navigating my excel map of names, numbers, and titles until a message popped up... "XXXX: home #XXXXXXX and cell XXXXX." He then poked his head out of his cube and said he would love to take me down there sometime. I cringed.

If only girls were as proactive...

Post Script: He smells like a photolab.

Bad Kitty

Can I meet this co-worker?

Bad Kitty

Does anyone deem it appropriate to meet the CEO of your company wearing a too tight baby tee with the words, "Bad Kitty" imprinted across your chest?

Just wondering. That is how my co-worker met Blake Nordstrom.

Corner Bakery vs. Cocoa Motion

This morning the visual team at Nordstrom, Dallas Galleria decided to take a lunch break at the nearby Corner Bakery. Okay, it was 10:30 in the morning so technically it could be considered breakfast, but our mornings consist of hard, strenuous, manual labor so we are starving by the time the store opens at 9:50.
Actually, it takes some self control to make it to 9:50. Anyway, I had a hankering for some scrambled eggs and my co-workers endulged me. It was a cold morning at Nordstrom so we had talked about hot drinks, them-coffee, me- hot cocoa. I ordered the sunrise scrambler w/o mushrooms, I hate mushrooms, and a medium hot cocoa filling with delight as my every dream that morning was about to come true. My plate came and much to my astonishment and mild anger there sat upon that shining white ceramic dish like 3 bites of egg! Yes I said it, 3, three, tres, twa, seh. No matter how you say it, I still had only 3 bites. That was totally insufficient for my noisy stomach. The hot cocoa was so full of nasty, frothy milk, or something, that I could only taste anything remotely cocoaish for like the very last 3 sips, gulps if you will. I kept drinking in hopes that I would be satisfied. I wasn't. Corner Bakery, even though they offer me a 10% discount for working at the mall, just didn't do it for me today. I'm going to have to say I was disappointed. Lesson learned? Yes. It will always be the cocoamotion for me.

Writing from the H.E.A.R.T.

Most of the time when I dress in the morning, I can only see as far as that little 20 x 20 cubical. I freeze on my way to room at 6 in the morning. But when the kiddies go out for a much needed recess from 1:45 - 2:20, I get a sunburn, with my long sleeve-shirt on. It was all I could do to not burn up from the UV rays the sun produced. I thought I was going down in a blaze of glory. As we walked back into the school, my class was worn out (my plan all along, the longer we stay out, the less talkative they'll be when we get in) and not so talkative. A teacher commented on the quiet nature of my class. One of my girls said, "That's what we've been trying to be all day." Interesting, thanks, Bobbie Sue*. All it takes is an afternoon of running outside in the 90 degree weather. I also have a great sun tan on my face. "Have you been tanning, Jenn?" "Nope, just recess."


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Cajun Bob? Cajun Blog.

Well kids, here it is. The much anticipated explanation of our run-in with the Bob that epitiphies all that is cajun. Mean, and to the point.
Cajun Bob's is a pool hall/flea market just outside of Rexburg, Idaho. We had heard of the place early in the week and I yearned to go since. So, on Wednesday of last week we heard tell from Chris, a kid I was staying with, that Cajun Bob is indeed cajun, mean, ornery, and out of his wits. Chris got a thirty minute reaming for not bringing cash to Cajun Bob's. Turns out, Cajun Bob is President of an Anti-Credit Card Coalition. The news to me was that such a thing existed, and more over, that the president of said organization lives in our very own Rexburg, Idaho. We all thought that Chris was exaggerating, and the story just fueled all of our desires to go.
When we arrived, Dodge got a 15 minute introduction, to all that is Cajun Bob. Everything from why school sucks, to Cajun Bob's own literary genius (he is author of 16 books and a professional public speaker since age 23, a fact that we were all made aware of). Even though he dropped out of school in the 8th grade, Cajun Bob is a millionaire since age 35 and started his first "business enterprise" at the tender age of 16. Not a fan of the DiVall brand of sarcasm, from Dodge or "Cajun Marc" as I introduced myself, we were invited to start playing pool. After almost our full hour of playing pool and halfway through out double elimination tournament, Cajun Bob noticed out half eaten bag of M&M's sitting on an unused pool table. With much angst fueled by Cajun's unkown past, he kicked Dodge out of his pool hall/flea market, only after an all out yelling match by both (Dodge won based on liable argument, Cajun Bob won based on anger). I quickly stepped in before Nathan could continue with the yelling and quietly put Cajun in his place. I won't go into detail, but in the words of Nathan "everything that [I] said was perfect." I got him to agree that he should refund our money, even though he really only kicked Dodge out. To put an end to the Cajun Yelling, I told Cajun to have a good evening, to which the response was, "I'll have a great evening." Not to be outdone, I slipped in "You can only rack the balls so many times when no one is playing pool" before making my exit. Thinking that I was in the clear, and reveling in my DiVall witt, I was called back in by Cajun. He started to yell at me once again, calling me a "youngster" and pointing out my white hat. He told how this generation has no respect for senior citizens and that we could all use some good Cajun Education. I didn't want to keep arguing with someone who obviously couldn't remember what the argument was about, so I left. There was much talk of the event, mostly because we left the battery to my camera in the place and had to go back and get it. I wasn't there for that confrontation, but word has it..Nathan put Cajun in his place. Thank you Nathan.

I'm a literary shambles

Does anyone else agree that the literary quality of our proud blog has been undermined by people not putting in their effort? I sure do. It is a crying shame that people are afraid to post because of judgements that they feel will be passed of their writing. I would hope that we all have a bit of self pride, enough at least to share our day with the rest or the group. Don't write from your mind, write it from your heart.
H.E.A.R.T.

Harvesting in America

Today's trip to the Goodwill was indeed fruitfull, literally. I am the proud new owner of an American Harvest, six rack, food dehydrator. I hope to load the first drying tonight before bed. If not, the apples that I already cut will be spoiled. $3, not a bad investment.

Another Sign of the Apocalypse

Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world... Galatians 4:3

A New Found Interest In Massachusetts

We don't use the stars,
we use technology.
If you mess with the cache,
you owe an apology.

!!!

Home Grown

Well, the week of endless spring fun has come to a halting end. I have returned. It is late, so I will postpone describing this weeks events until I am a bit more lucid and am rid of the pseudo-blue. The trip was good, but it ended right as I was really enjoying it.

a search through 4,285,199,774 pages and still no luck...

This is as close as I can get to confirming the Spike Jonze story.

"An unfortunate amount of what you are about to read is true. It used to be a lot of fun to interview Spike Jonze because he would just make up stuff, but this time he doesn't utter a single lie for me. In the past he has pretended to be his own assistant, canceling an interview with a reporter over and over again; he has acted like a Corvette-driving loudmouth for the BBC; he has staged a fight in a fast-food restaurant for Spin magazine; he has refused to admit he was the intentionally bad choreographer in his Fatboy Slim Praise You video. He used to care. But now Jonze, 33, is all sweet and..."

The article was from the November 1999 issue of Spin. Tori Amos was on the cover. I need that article.

Isn't it kind of ironic that extra gum doesn't have sugar in it? What makes it extra good?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After trying to get K.F to like me for so long I finally gave it up. After about 2 months of moping and listening to lots of radiohead, I decided I needed to go on a date to clear my head of her. I worked at Subway. We were located right next to a Domino's pizza and often bartered food with each other. Free cokes for them, and a pizza for us once in a while. Despite the domino's girls drinking lots of coke, they were all really attractive. One day I got the phone number of one of them and asked her out.

I was 16 at the time and had not very good dating experiences. Most of them were movie dates. So for our first date I figured we would do the movie thing.... I'm tired.

CONTINUED...

To make a long story short... I ended up in that girl's bedroom watching MTV. About 10 or 15 minutes after we went up there her family got home. I thanked God I got out of there with my chastity in tact.

Fight To Make Fiber The Popular Choice

I'm going to start trying those fiber pills. I've used prunes, chili, and the like, but not the pills. Last night I ate a ton of food through the 10 o'clock hour, and I knew if I didn't jog this morning and help my digestive system hurry along its way, I was going to have a fit in traffic. So I ran. All it took was 15 or 20 minutes to do a slow mile, and I was ready. Whilst I was taking care of business I thought, "one of those pills might make this quite easy." I remember on my mission we took over an apartment that had previously been inhabited by sisters. I remember finding loads of fibercon, cans of refried beans, and laxatives. For them fiber wasn't just popular, it was a way of life. Maybe if I had chosen fibercon at the time we moved in I would still be using it, but my main problem is I'm not keen on what is popular.

I'm Forever Catholic

There's an interesting article here.

Florence Knows Best

It does not happen very often that I lay awake in my bed for hours on end without sleeping. If it does happen and I wake up cranky, I remind myself "have to have the bad nights to know there are good ones."

Florence Cardinal knows best...

SECRET OF THE OOZE... (DAN'S NINJA WAYS REVEALED!!!)

So you want to be a ninja? Well I found explicit instructions... step 1. The look of the ninjaaaaaa!!!!

For boys, go here.
For girls, go here.

Putting and end to false tales

During a 4 hour period of reflection at work this morning I decided to seek out truth instead of tour dates and music news...I went to the wise customer service representatives of one of Dallas' most well known carpert cleaning services. They have sent this automated reply, which means that at some point today, someone at their company will lay their eyes upon it.
Question:

Dear Dalworth,

I heard a story about Dalworth that went something like this...

One day a Dalworth carpet cleaner had an appointment to clean the carpets of a very large home.
He went to do the job and was very impressed with the home's size and wonder. He told the
owner, "You have a really nice home". The owner then said to him, "You really like it? I'll sell it to
you for $100,000." The carpet cleaner said, "This house has to be worth a half million dollars and
you said you would sell it to me for 100,000. I don't have that kind of money, plus I would have to
talk to my wife about it." The owner of the home encourage him it was possible. The Dalworth
carpet cleaner spoke with his wife and within a day, the owner of the home signed the title over.

During this time the owner had a garage sale. He drove his corvette out in front of the house and
slapped a sign on the front window that said, "FOR SALE $500". Someone who drove by the house
saw the owner outside and said, "Is that really for $500?" The owner said yes, and the garage sale
shopper bought themselves a new corvette for $500.

A week after all this happened, the Dalworth man and his wife had moved into their new home. One
night while they were reveling in the splendor of their new house, someone unlocked the front door
and walked in. It was a woman. She saw the couple and said, "What are you doing in my house?"
The Dalworth man told the woman he had come the previous week and cleaned the carpets. At that
time the owner of the home sold him the house with everything inside. The woman
broke down and cried.

Apparently the owner of the house was her husband and while she went away on a business trip he
decided to disappear.

My friends Mom had this story told to her buy a Dalworth carpet cleaner who said the man who
bought the house still lives in that big house and he still cleans carpets.

Is there any truth to this story? I must know.

Jordan Sheen

A Dalworth Customer Service Representative will contact you at
XXXXX@XXXXXX.XXX to answer your question.

Dalworth Carpet Cleaning, Inc.
"The Next Best Thing to New is Dalworth Clean"

TO BE CONTINUED....

You'll Be Sorry

So it's 9:15. Time for the show to begin. We line up in the hall. We are standing next to our assigned person. We are ready to begin. We march in when the music starts. We sit in our assigned places. Some of us go backstage. Some of us even go behind those curtains. But most of us sit on the stage steps. Cats and dogs start flying. We catch some. We meow, we bark. We keep smiling at the audience and keep on singing. We are (almost) flawless on our lines. We sing our hearts out. Someone whispers to us, Look at the audience, don't look at me. We jump rope, we dance, we even sway. During the very last song we realize it's almost over. It's all worth it because this is OUR 2nd grade play.

This is what my day was like....twice. Tomorrow is dress rehearsal. Ahh, the chaos. The big day arrives on Thursday, again, twice.

MEMES!!!(again)

I'm still trying to get used to managing my bloggggsssss

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	A farmer named Judd
If not then you were:	Katsushika Hokusai
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Apparently Katsushika Hokusai is famous for art like this.

What are memes? Get the straightdope from Cecil, go here and then here.

poor me...

April 26th @ Trees: Centro-matic, Death Cab For Cutie, and Ben Kweller
April 27th @ Trees: Centro-matic, Death Cab For Cutie, and Ben Kweller

The only show(s) I've taken notice of before it happened (besides the Strokes) and I won't be able to go...

More photos of the former you...
VLAD THE IMPALER!
William, it was really nothing.
Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler

My temporary roomate

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	Vlad the Impaler
If not then you were:	Jan Vermeer
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Secret friends revealed

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	William Shakespeare
If not then you were:	A cabin boy
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Jenn and Jordan forever

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	An unknown German artist
If not then you were:	Katsushika Hokusai
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Is 'Pair' the correct usage of leotard?

Bill Shakespeare was a good man! by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	William Shakespeare
If not then you were:	A pair of womens' leotards
>Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

The Black Duffle

As I arrived at the airport on Saturday night, in un-characteristic punctuality, I struck up a conversation with the ticket agent. In Spanish no less. The good man hooked me up with good seats and I was on my way. We both agreed that I shouldn't check The Black Duffle, in order to avoid the hassles that go along with all of that. Little did I know how that one, seemingly minor decision would change my life. The Black Duffle was no problem as I boarded the plane and got off in Las Vegas (only to lose $6 on the slots). However, when I saw what we were flying in to Salt Lake, I wished the good Spanish man would have suggested otherwise. The Black Duffle didn't fit anywhere in the plane, especially with the psycho next to me. So, the stewardess made me check it. In a not-so-kind manner she ripped The Black Duffle from my hand and assured me that I would get it as soon as we exited the plane. Not so. I got off of the plane and it seemed that everyone had there luggage excepting me. The Black Duffle was no where to be found. And the custodian-turned-baggage clerk was no help at all. In his broken English he told me that there was nothing he could do and that I should call the next day, not realizing that I would be in a different state. I got a call early morning, disturbing my much needed sleep, saying that they had the Black Duffle and would gladly send it to Idaho Falls at 2pm. Two O-clock came and went and The Black Duffle was no where in sight. We were told to call back to Salt Lake, they could do nothing. Well, the much anticipated call came later in the evening informing me that The Black Duffle had indeed arrived. We made the trip to the airport and I was once again re-united with The Black Duffle and all of her contents. Never again will I trust the stewardess named Jeannie.

My 24 realization

So I'm watching the newest and greatest episode of 24, keep reading, I won't give anything away, and I realize that this show has changed my life. I honestly don't know how I functioned without it. I watched season 1 and it completely took over my life. I watched season 2 with expectations but little did I know how season 3 would change my life. I can say that, yes, a television show has hooked me. I thought I was hooked in the past with other shows but not like this. I can't get enough of it. It's like a drug. It's a good thing that the next episode is less than 48 hours away.
If you haven't watched this show, now is the time. Tell everyone you know about the greatness of this show, if you have seen it.
At this point in the evening, I am rambling but I cannot fully put into words how great this show is. The end.

a long ride...

I had a dream last night that Dan-o was on something like this... and he drove off into what looked like the desert but the plant life was different. He was also wearing glasses, just like the guy in the photo. I had the impression he was going for a long ride on his three wheeler and hoped he would make it alright.